Short story comments

I was reading over some of the comments my cassmates made about the 2 pages we brought in for last class, the main issues they had with my work was that in some cases where the narrator should have problems with his vision things should not be as quickly recognizable. The narrator should be more disoriented in speech and description but if the narrator is recounting a past experience these things could be clearer in description as he is recalling it.  The progress that I would want to make is give him a more confusing account to draw the reader in more because what I strive for is to make the reader feel the same rush the narrator is experiencing so that my work becomes a page turner that the reader can't put down.